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CAFE TAC Presents: So You’re Ready to Work, Now What? - Shared screen with speaker view
John Ferrone
Most people avoid conflict. And many others are passive and enter a conflict without actually being in a conflict. And there are some who naturally seek it out and create it. Recognizing which one you are will also help you identify which type of conflict (Task or Emotional) you are faced with, and then which Style of Managing Conflict would be helpful.
John Ferrone
Misako, under the View Options tab at the very top select "side by side"
John Ferrone
Misako, if you use your mouse and go to the top of the zoom screen the "view options" button should appear.
John Ferrone
Exciting possibilities for Thursday's follow-up... seeing how this theory can be put into practice! Join us and watch Jeremy and Elise fight.
John Ferrone
Techniques for reining in your emotion: 1) write an email (without addressing it) where you say everything you wish you could say... and then delete it, and then write a new email that is calm, cool, and collected; 2) go for a walk and do some thinking before responding; 3) recognize that the other person is probably emotional, too, and acknowledge his/her frustration or anger, and try to create a discussion rather than a battle.
Ken Collins
It's good to know how "limbic" people are when dealing with these issues because our survival instincts are very strong and anger is triggered because of the fight, flight or freeze response. The more limbic this becomes the harder it is to hear what you are trying to say is heard.
John Ferrone
Very top right of the screen... put your mouse up there and click "View" and choose "Gallery"
John Ferrone
I'm sure that's frustrating, Misako. Sorry it's not working right for you. I wonder if your computer needs a reboot?
Ken Collins
A trick I've found is going for a walk with the person so blood and oxygen get to our prefrontal cortex so we can use our thinking brain and this unplugs the limbic (Lizard) brain.
Jeremy - CAFE TAC
Good point Ken. A change of scenery or a shared activity that both parties enjoyed can help, as can getting up and moving.
Varda Brahms
not in a work situation but with a 'neighbor' who has blamed or accused me of making noise that isn't accurate - it seems to me that she 'lies' or makes things up yet acts like she's accurate and believable - it's very hard to clarify or get any honest resolution when dealing with someone who is accusatory and totally in her view of things and there's no 'proof' to dislodge what she says. we do have a mediation scheduled in 2 weeks.
Jeremy - CAFE TAC
That sounds difficult Varda. I think that's a situation where a third-party mediator would be helpful.
Varda Brahms
Yes - Thanks! It messes up my reputation with the apartment management too...
Ken Collins
What if you don't have an HR Department?
Jeremy - CAFE TAC
Taking a breath-pause, as a prompt to step back a bit, re-assess & constructively adjust.Helpful & pro-active to practice w/friends, family, others.
Ken Collins
Sometimes stigma gets in the way of communication. I'm a person with a brain injury and I've learned the hard way about saying "I'm having a hard time processing information" because of the consequences of "I'm not able to understand"
Michele Koppinger
May I please add: there are some workplaces that have some people who are bullying and creating psychological and emotional abuse and it may intentionally result in feeling ostracized. Some times it is simply not safe and one may have to make an exit plan. In these situations, the perpetrators are not interested in resolving it. If you speak the truth to it, then it may in fact make things worse for the "target". Also, is the wage disparity for peers in and of itself a micro-aggression. Some groups of people are committed to misunderstanding you and/or baiting you ("You" being the reader of this comment - anyone, basically.) How to recognize and leave, rather than engage in the "nice" way of discussion conflict resolution resolve.
Have this guide-sheet on ur computer & phone, and rvw it on a regular basis -- so the practice of the skills become 2nd nature.
Michele Koppinger
HR's allegiance is to the employer who pays their paycheck not to the employee. Ultimately, HR represents the employer.
Ken Collins
We learn confidence by doing and not waiting. Self-confidence helps to be positive and being positive helps moving forward.
I appreciate Ken & Michele's comments on real scenarios. Extra strain on our wellness. I agree w/Elise.
Robin Zucker
What about conflict resolution where the topic is around accommodations?
Loran Harris
thank you,good learning experience
Mary Hogden
Thanks everyone this was invaluable session. I have another meeting
What would help reduce strain on my mental wellness & raise my sense of self agency is to regularly look for other jobs, network & establish good contacts w/others at other jobs & be ready to jump on new opp's. That would reduce my anxiety in a toxic work environment.
Ken Collins
Excellent Info. Thank You!
TY, everyone!